Meet the Beardles!

I know who's got the walrus whiskers!

The year was 1961. The 4 boys from Liverpool England, were given a stern talking to by their then-manager, Brian Epstein.

“John, Paul, George, Beardo, we’ve got to talk. I think you guys can really make it big if you’d just shave off your beards and wear a suit. That’s how anyone makes it nowadays. Who’s gonna hire a guy with an unruly beard? Nobody. And who’s gonna buy an album by a group of bearded men? Miscreants. And do miscreants have money? No. Teenage girls have money. And what do they want? Pre-pubescent boys. And the next closest thing to that is clean-shaven men.”
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Wooly Willy, An American Classic

We salute you, Wooly Willy

Sure, at twenty-something years old, A Wooly Willy sounds more like a depraved sex act, like Canada’s History, but many of us might remember it from days of our childhood. My first contact with Willy occurred somewhere in my pre-teen years, at a school fair where we would get prizes for tickets won at carnival games inside the gymnasium. When I won a couple tickets, never more than say 10 because my parents were so cheap, I would take them to the front desk where cool skateboards, inflatable plastic guitars and a few other odds and ends lay. “Can I get the skateboard?” I would naively ask. “If you got 200 tickets you can have the skateboard.” They would respond.
“I’ve got ten.”
“All you can get is a Wooly Willy or a lollypop ring.”
Hmm. Not a hard choice.

“I’ll take the Wooly Willy.”

And thus, generations of new Wooly Willy fans were created. A search on the internet shows that the popular soon-to-be-bearded toy still sells for around $1.50. Its a tried and true design, with magnetic shavings and an equally magnetic pen that you can pull around to make beards, mustaches, and fashionable hairstyles.

Willy, we at History’s Greatest Beards salute you for inspiring countless adolescents to grow a beard as soon as puberty kicks in.

Abe Lincoln’s Beard

Lincoln might notta cemented equal rights sans beard. In fact, he kinda looks like a creepy dude that wants to buy your kid a ride on a quarter-fed Dumbo outside of a grocery store. Betcha didn’t know that Abe Lincoln thought beards were for suckers. That is, ’til he grew one. In fact, the story behind Abe Lincoln’s beard reads like a Dan Brown novel, only instead of mysterious tunnels leading to the cup of christ, there’s a beard. Check out the full story by making the jump. Continue reading

My Beard Hurts!

There are some days when I wake up and don’t want a beard. Sometimes it hurts.

Welcome to

Congratulations. Seriously.
You’ve found the pre-eminent source for all beard-related trivia, factotums, believes, values and core ideas. will have you not shaving in no time.

Why beards?

A Beard is one of the greatest things a man can own. It costs nothing, you don’t have to do anything to have one, and it’s a great way to prove you’re a man.

Shaving is a hassle. It makes your skin itchy and can increase the noticability of zits on your face. Ever see a guy with a beard that has zits ? nope. They’re under the beard! Unless they’re on his nose and forehead. But either way, he has less visible zits if he sports a beard.

Is it spiritual?
Yes. Beard growing is zen. It requires patience and no-mind in order to get past the initial itch and it is a method of escape from the everyday toil of a shave.

Check out the FAQ for more answers on beards and their masters.