- Why beards?
A Beard is one of the greatest things a man can ‘own.’ It costs nothing, you don’t have to do anything to have one, and it’s a great way to prove you’re a man.
Shaving is a hassle. It makes your skin itchy and can increase the number of zits on your face. Ever see a guy with a beard that has zits ? nope. They’re under the beard! Unless they’re on his nose and forehead. But either way, he has less visible zits if he sports a beard.
- Is it spiritual?
Yes. Beard growing is zen. It requires patience and no-mind in order to get past the initial itch and it is a method of escape from the everyday toil of a shave.
- Q: Can things get lost in my beard?
- Q: How will I know if beards are in style?
- Q: If I grow a beard, is it guaranteed that I will be famous?
- Q: Why do beard growers accomplish so much more?
- Q: Should women grow their beards?
- Q: I want to grow a beard but I fear I will cannot not live up to the expectations of those that have gone before me.
- Q: I’m afraid of being outcast by society and its norms. Is this normal?
- Q: Does it get itchy?
- Q: Will girls think it’s sexy?
- Q: Does having a beard make me into an expert on something?
A: Generally speaking, yes. You have many more opportunities to stroke a warm beard and many believe that you become smarter while stroking said beard. To stroke a clean shaven face looks awkward, egotistical, and in some countries, downright rude.
- Q: Should I eat certain foods to get a thicker, fuller beard?
A: Generally, eating a diet of fatty foods will help gain a thicker beard, though “science” may disagree. If you find yourself in a harbor full of newborn seal pups, do your best to bring a few back to put in the freezer for a great beard sheen all winter long! Boil the seal fat for at least 45 minutes to kill any parasites it might be harboring. Also, seal fat can be used as a supplement light source should you have a flint handy.
- Q: Why should I care about your stupid beards? Nothing on this site is helpful, cool, funny, or insightful.
A: You’re a jerk. Lay off the negativity and you’ll be a happy person. Continue down the path you’re on and there’s nothing but ruin and destruction.
- Q: Will growing a beard get me laid?
A: Slow your roll, pilgrim. A classy lady won’t put out until you get married, beard or no beard. Just remember that when you’re sitting in your basement playing D&D while stroking that long raccoon tail attached to your face.
*that is why it is proper to grow one’s nails in conjunction with one’s beard.
You will need the reach if you want to get those hard to scratch places. There is the misconception of crazies who don’t have good hygiene because their hair and nails go unattended to. This is incorrect. These people are in a constant battle for comfort already, without the judgment of the ignorant. You will need the reach if you want to get those hard to scratch places. Note that after long periods of being high on crack, one’s beard will grow in, causing a tremendous neck itch.