Author Archives: Johnny Sanford
There have always been a few people that like that beard/cueball look, but this is decidedly uncool. That is, unless you are into being a Nazi. Undoubtedly, this is still uncool.
The latest celeb to consider this shaved-head/beard trend has been our Friend John Travolta, but he gets away with it (just barely) by opting for a goatee.
So don’t try this at home. Period.
Whether you believe in global warming or not, mother nature teased upstate New York with temps in the low 70’s this past weekend. Although I spent a majority of my weekend indoors writing a paper , I managed to make it outside for a short run (for those that enjoy free nights and weekend’s avoid law school). I enjoy drinking and smoke, which really hurts my ability to run (personally I like to think running hurts my ability to smoke and drink). After two miles, I was a sweaty mess (insert picture of James Gandolfini on the beach chasing down the ice cream truck on a sunny 90 degree day).
“You’ve got a nice beard going…are you pleased about it?”
“I’m not here for you to make me feel weird about it.”
“I can’t be the first person to make you feel weird about it.”
“No. I guess not.”
Thus spoke Jaoquin Pheonix, a mere year ago on the David Letterman Show, proving that sometimes beards can drive you bananas. The case in point is that instead of loathing his own beard, Pheonix should have embraced it with the warm, fuzzy feeling of the beard itself. Here’s a reimagined version of the conversation between Letterman and Pheonix.
Greetings, people of Earth. Just got a bootleg copy of your epic sci-fi thriller Avatar from the local Oelnor market. You know the movie, the one that features the prominent destruction of our planet, native culture and sacred Mother Tree?
Yeah, that one.
“I’ve got ten.”
“All you can get is a Wooly Willy or a lollypop ring.”
Hmm. Not a hard choice.
“I’ll take the Wooly Willy.”
And thus, generations of new Wooly Willy fans were created. A search on the internet shows that the popular soon-to-be-bearded toy still sells for around $1.50. Its a tried and true design, with magnetic shavings and an equally magnetic pen that you can pull around to make beards, mustaches, and fashionable hairstyles.
Willy, we at History’s Greatest Beards salute you for inspiring countless adolescents to grow a beard as soon as puberty kicks in.