Meet the Beardles!

I know who's got the walrus whiskers!

The year was 1961. The 4 boys from Liverpool England, were given a stern talking to by their then-manager, Brian Epstein.

“John, Paul, George, Beardo, we’ve got to talk. I think you guys can really make it big if you’d just shave off your beards and wear a suit. That’s how anyone makes it nowadays. Who’s gonna hire a guy with an unruly beard? Nobody. And who’s gonna buy an album by a group of bearded men? Miscreants. And do miscreants have money? No. Teenage girls have money. And what do they want? Pre-pubescent boys. And the next closest thing to that is clean-shaven men.”

“But Brian”, said George, the outspoken one of the 4, “it’s our image, man. We can’t just go back on that know, ya know? What about all our songs? Love me Beard? And Your Beard Can Sing? Grizzly Miss Lizzy? Got To Get You Into My Beard? 8 Beards a wee–”

“Enough!” shouted Brian. “You’ve got to hide your beard away! I’m not gonna tell you again!”

“Our beards are bigger than Jesus’s!” chimed John.

George asked “And what about the band’s name? It won’t even make sense anymore!”

“The record company and I talked about that too. We agreed that the name should be changed, but that we could come to some sort of compromise…”

“What kind of compromise?” asked George.

“That the ‘d’ be changed to a ‘t’, and that the i be capitalized so that it looks like a lower case ‘L’.”

“That’s silly!” said Beardo.

“I’ll never do it! Never! This beard gives me the courage to speak in public!” cried George.

“You don’t have a choice!” yelled Brian.

“I hate you!” yelled George. “I hope you die!”

Paul, always being the leader and never the follower, stood up slowly and outstretched his hand. He was holding something in his hand. “Here, guys, take one of these. Let’s see how far this rabbit nest goes.” and he opened his palm to reveal razors for everyone.

“Easy for you to say, you’ll probably be the cute one.” said George.

“Hey guys, we promised that we would always vote on any decision about the band…”, said Pete Best, standing up from the corner.

“We voted you out of the band!”, shouted John. “Now leave us alone or we’ll sick Beardo on you again!”

“I’ll wring yo’ neck again, I will! I’ll wring yo’ neck till you see stars!” Said Beardo.

“Hey, I kinda like the sound of that…Wringyo Stars…” said Paul.

“We can work it out…” replied Brian.

John stood up and began to speak. “Well I guess these beards have flown for now, but all I’ve gotta do is grow naturally and they’ll be a long and winding beard again soon enough.”

Stay tuned for the next episode of the epic adventures of the Beaties!


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