Lincoln might notta cemented equal rights sans beard. In fact, he kinda looks like a creepy dude that wants to buy your kid a ride on a quarter-fed Dumbo outside of a grocery store. Betcha didn’t know that Abe Lincoln thought beards were for suckers. That is, ’til he grew one. In fact, the story behind Abe Lincoln’s beard reads like a Dan Brown novel, only instead of mysterious tunnels leading to the cup of christ, there’s a beard. Check out the full story by making the jump.
Hon A B Lincoln…
My father has just [come] home from the fair and brought home your picture and Mr. Hamlin’s. I am a little girl only 11 years old, but want you [to] be President of the United States very much, so I hope you wont think me very bold to write to such a great man as you are… I have got 4 brother’s and part of them will vote for you any way and if you let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you.[You] would look a great deal better for your face is so thin. All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husband’s to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you to but I will try to get every one to vote for you that I can I think that rail fence around your picture makes it look very pretty I have got a little baby sister she is nine weeks old and is just as cunning as can be. When you direct your letter direct to Grace Bedell Westfield Chatauque County New York
I must not write any more answer this letter right off Good bye
Miss Grace Bedell
My dear little Miss
Your very agreeable letter of the 15th is received – I regret the necessity of saying I have no daughters – I have three sons – one seventeen, one nine, and one seven years of age – They, with their mother, constitute my whole family – As to the whiskers, having never worn any, do you not think people would call it a piece of silly affection if I were to begin it now?
Your very sincere well wisher
Not so silly now, is it, Abe Fuckin’ Lincoln.
You had the moves and the ways to make America come together, most likely because you had the sense to grow a pair and then grow a beard.
Let it be a lesson, Barack H. Obama! Grow a beard or this country’s going to hell in a handbasket. The longer you wait, the further we fall.
Beards Unite America.